


I tell the truth, and I keep running

by belmanoir



Series: Flying from the blast [7]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Ableism, Body hate, Consensual Humiliation, Internalized racism, Kink that is not entirely safe and sane, M/M, Thoughts about self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-03
Updated: 2012-07-03
Packaged: 2017-11-09 03:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belmanoir/pseuds/belmanoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki takes a turn topping. <i>Stark is trembling beneath Loki as Loki kisses him. Not because of the kiss. He's trembling because he's waiting to hear what Loki will say.</i></p><p>Chronologically, this falls between "Pain and Sundaes" and "All this and forgiveness too."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I tell the truth, and I keep running

**Author's Note:**

> for Liz, who asked for "a little more tony/loki fun and possibly inadvisable kink times."
> 
>  **Warnings:** body hate, consensual humiliation, self-hatred, kink that is not entirely safe and sane, internalized racism, ableism, thoughts about self-harm.
> 
> If you have feedback for me on how I warn, I'd love to hear it! You can comment, private-message me, or email me at belmanoir at gmail dot com.
> 
> The title is from Kanye West's "Pinocchio Story."

Stark is trembling beneath Loki as Loki kisses him. Not because of the kiss. He's trembling because he's waiting to hear what Loki will say. Loki draws out the kiss, sweet and tender. 

Butterfly kisses, their wings about to be torn. 

Stark's ragged breath catches as Loki leans in to whisper in his ear. "There's something wrong with you."

Stark grabs Loki's hip, ruts up against him. Loki lets him. He doesn't have to be cruel with his body, today. He traces a hand across Stark's chest.

"Something missing inside. Your father knew it. He knew there was something so wrong, there was no point even trying to fix you."

Stark presses his soft brown eyes shut so Loki won't see how much it hurts, but Loki can feel it. This is the intimacy of inflicting pain, sliding in the knife and feeling a body shudder against you. He knows the other side, too: cruel words like a scalpel, and the desperate hope that if it slices deep and clean enough, it will cut out the cancer inside.

He pulls away. Stark murmurs in protest, his eyes flying open. Loki smiles at him as he strips. Stark's eyes roam over Loki's body appreciatively. He loves this false form.

Stark is already naked. His bed is huge, his sheets predictably black. Loki wonders if they're designed to show off the arc reactor, or just Stark's pale skin. Either way, it's very effective. 

He crawls back over Stark and leans in to blow gently on the arc reactor. "Can you feel that?"

"No."

Loki smiles at him and moves up to press hot, openmounted kisses to the soft places where his jaw meets his neck. "Other men, better men, their hearts gave out, but you just keep on ticking, don't you?" He sucks at Stark's racing pulse point. Stark gasps and pulls Loki's hand down to grip his erection. Loki strokes him obligingly. 

"You thought if you were clever enough, loud enough, unhappy enough, he'd have to notice you eventually. He'd have to feel _something._ But he saw right through you, didn't he? Everyone does. They know you're not like them. You're just an extraordinarily lifelike copy."

He rolls Stark onto his side and lowers himself down behind him, reaching for the lube and condom on the bedside table. Humans have made this so convenient. He gently slides one slick finger in. Stark is shaking, breathing hard. "Shhhh," Loki soothes. He's more careful than he needs to be, waiting long moments to add a second finger. He crooks them, searching.

Stark arches against him. _"Please."_

Loki is filled with tenderness. That's all Stark has: _please._ Everywhere else he can't stop talking, but now he is almost silent. What is there to say? They both know all the counterarguments. When Loki presses his chest to Stark's broad back, he can feel Stark's heart beating. Stark is surrounded by love on all sides. 

It doesn't matter. Loki's words call up an echo in Stark. They resonate in his bones, and here Stark doesn't have to struggle or fight back. He doesn't have to pretend not to believe them. Here, there is peace. 

"What's your little catchphrase?" he asks. Three fingers now. "Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist? That's right: you're clever and rich...and rich...and rich. Your father gave you all of that." 

When he pulls his hand out, Stark makes an eager sound and squirms back. And Loki gives him what he wants, rolls the condom on and pushes slowly inside. He can feel Stark relaxing to let him in, feel the trusting in-and-out of Stark's breaths. He shuts his eyes and presses a kiss to the back of Stark's neck. 

He thrusts, reaching around to take Stark in his hand again. "Where do you think you'd be, if you were born with nothing? You have no ambition, no steadiness, no faith. When the going got tough..."

Stark clenches around him a few times. "I've got skills," he says, and Loki knows how that hard, sharp smile feels on Stark's face.

He laughs. "Yes, I suppose you'd land on your feet. Do you think you'd like living on a rich man's charity?"

"I'm sorry, are we still talking about me?"

Loki shifts his angle until Stark moans and arches his head back. Stark's back is hot and slick with sweat against his chest. "Good point," he says. "All those people who were supposed to love you and take care of you, and all they did was hurt you. When I don't give a damn about you, and look how good I make you feel." 

Stark is almost there now. He's shaking under Loki's arm and making little whining noises in his throat. Loki is shaking a little too, but he keeps his voice even. "Do you really think I'd be here if it weren't for your money? For what you can do for me?"

He thrusts harder, faster. Stark is open, so open and slick, Loki won't hurt him. "Do you think anyone would?" he asks.

Stark pounds a fist against the sheets. "Come on come on come on," he chants breathlessly.

"Let's just say you're no Captain America." 

Loki doesn't know whether it's hilarious or heartbreaking or a little adorable that that pushes Stark over the edge. He convulses against Loki, his moans dying strangled in his throat. His arse clenches helplessly around Loki's manhood. 

Loki hopes he can follow Stark quickly, because otherwise he's going to lose this high, drag things out, and end the evening annoyed. Stark insists on mutual orgasm every time, and the time he caught Loki faking he sulked for days.

"You're really good at this," Stark says. Loki buries his face in Stark's neck and laughs, because here it comes. Stark is very, very talkative after sex. "If you were doing this with Captain America, what would you say to _him?_ "

Loki tries to decide how close he is. He puts his hand on Stark's hip and keeps fucking him. Stark is boneless against him. Loki thinks about the question for a minute while Stark rambles on about what he wants to order in for a midnight snack and which character on _Friends_ he would most like to have a threesome with, and dictates some notes to JARVIS about his latest project.

"The only place you ever really belonged only exists now in your memory," Loki says finally. Stark goes quiet, listening. "And you cling to it, but you're forgetting something. You never belonged there in the first place." He wonders if he could make Rogers cry. He hasn't managed it yet with Stark, but Rogers might have less defenses. He had a family, after all, and a best friend who loved him. 

He runs his hand up Stark's strong side, feels the layers of muscle over his ribcage. "You are a lie," he says. "That small, ugly body is still inside you. Do you think people would be so eager to follow you if they could see who you really are? Do you think anyone would touch you then?"

There's silence. "Wow," Stark says finally. "That's...really good." He sounds uncomfortable, as if all the things Loki just said about him don't matter, but this is going too far. Loki knows why: he touched on a pain Stark doesn't understand, a pain Stark can only pity. He can feel Stark's uneasiness in the muscles under his hand. 

Loki's pleasure builds, suddenly. He concentrates on that stab of loneliness, that note of disgust in Stark's voice, and imagines taking on his Jotun form while still inside Stark. 

He spends, pressing his lips tightly together to keep from making a sound.


End file.
